Thoughts on a Thursday Evening

Hi girls,

Just sitting alone on my couch, snuggled under a blanket, and thinking about things. Thought I'd write a few things down...and share them with you. I'd love to hear any thoughts and/or suggestions, should you have them.

Molly, I totally resonate with the underlying angst/questioning/searching that you've been experiencing and describing lately. I know you've shared that your dad's death was your catalyst, which is totally understandable. I'm not sure what mine is (my grandmas' deaths have been impactful, certainly, but nowhere near as impactful as a father's death). I feel restless nearly all the time with this overwhelming drive to create something. This is not necessarily new for me. I've had periods in my life where I've felt similarly, and I am always in the middle of creating something, whether small (dinner) or large (Madelyn's childhood). But this time, I'm questioning my career. It's not that I don't like child welfare or feel that I should've chosen something else. I love working in this field, and it fulfills me in a way that nothing else in my life does. Social work has always felt like a calling for me, and I'm not sure that I ever really thought too hard about whether I did or didn't want to go into it because I just knew it was the "right" thing for me to do. It kind of always felt like an obligation but without the resentment. Social work definitely feels like ministry to me--at least I feel like that's the primary way I serve God. And I can "hack it," so to speak, so I've always felt like I should keep doing it.

I'm passionate about child welfare, but I'm learning that I'm passionate about other things as well (strictly speaking about career--this restless feeling doesn't apply to my family life). I love healthy food. I love growing it, cooking it, eating it, and sharing it. I love learning about how healthy food is good for your body and good for the earth, and I am becoming more and more interested in helping to change the way our culture views the production and consumption of food. I also love making yummy things to fill people's tummies and, hopefully, nurture their souls a bit. And then there's writing. I love to write and have always dreamt of doing something in the creative writing realm.

I read this article in this month's Eating Well magazine about a farm out East somewhere that grows veggies and fruits and donates 100% of the loot to local food banks and shelters. It's a non-profit organization that is funded by private donations as well as federal subsidies. Doesn't that sound so awesome? I was thinking as I was reading it, "Ok, I just need to buy some land and grow some food and get some volunteers and, oh, apply for non-profit status." Something like that would so perfectly blend social work and healthy food...but is that really what I want to do, and my goodness, what on earth would it take to get something like that up and running?

I just feel kind of directionless. I have all of this desire and energy and motivation, but I'm not totally sure where I want to put it or where I should put it, for that matter. I feel like I'm at some kind of fork in the road. I just don't know specifically what the choices are...therefore I don't know which one to choose.

And that's unsettling.

So if anyone has any words of wisdom or anything else to offer, I would so appreciate it!